The Goat, The Convent And A Mild Case Of Arrhythmia

The Goat, The Convent And A Mild Case Of Arrhythmia by nephew M.

Mom decided that we should all go to a Catholic school. I'm not sure why. We were getting good grades in the public schools. I got an A in paper mache balloon making, and my brother Steve got consistently good grades in roll call. Our little sister was doing fantastic in her "Walk to the Water Fountain and Drink" studies and all of us were able to place a right or left hand in the general area of our heart while lip sinking the Pledge of Allegiance. Mom, however, had it in her head that HER kids should be able to perform at a higher intellectual level than either Congress, or the as yet undiscovered Milly Vanilly. So it came to pass that we had to wear uniforms and actually perform to one degree or another in things like math and reading. Little sister Christie did especially well and, I think, enjoyed dressing up in plaid skirts like a Scottish Highlander. She fell in love with her teacher, Sister Marie Susanne, and the good Sister became a regular visitor at our modest farm. All of us kids called her "Sister", thus demonstrating our keen imagination and wit, and we loved her dearly. To the best of my recollection, she was a very young lady, full of life and with a ready laugh. She had a bubbly personality, a great sense of humor, and hair that always looked just like a nuns habit. She was well acquainted with our various animals, knew them all by name and occupation, and even took a lesson or two from Mom in goat milking. Poor Sister. It all went down hill for her after the goats. Our little sister had named one of our baby goats after her favorite teacher. Marie Susanne. Sister Marie Susan was tickled pink, or possibly black and white to match her uniform..... I'm not sure what the rules are for nuns. Either way, she was tickled. Some months went by and Sister continued to stop by for coffee and cake, and to check on the progress of her name sake. Well, as anyone familiar with farms would anticipate, Marie Susanne (the goat) grew up and fell madly in love with our billy goat, Jose. Not surprisingly, this passionate affair resulted in a pregnancy. While the church performed no ceremony to legitimize the offspring, a dispensation must have been given, as the mood seemed to be celebratory and nobody made any "tisking" sounds.

Sister was actually very excited about the whole thing and decided to announce the happy news over dinner at the convent. It went something like this..... While the dishes from the salad course were being removed from the table, wine was poured and Sister Marie Susanne stood and tapped her glass to get the attention of the other Sisters and the Mother Superior. "I have an announcement to make!" She said. With a huge smile and barely contained excitement she declared.....

"MARIE SUSANNE IS PREGNANT!"

There was a moment of silence followed by the sound of tea cups and wine glasses shattering on the floor. Several of the nuns present, finding themselves with empty hands, were forced to grab an item at random to drop just on principle. Realizing that clarification was needed Sister began yelling "The Goat! The Goat!" It all worked out in the end, and the Mother Superior actually got to test drive her nitroglycerin tablets. Have a great day, M.

Pygmy Goat