FAST-FOOD RESTROOM & ADAM"S LAW

FAST-FOOD RESTROOM

Urine collector arrested again

Saturday, November 6, 2010 02:55 AM

By Randy Ludlow and Barbara Carmen

THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH

Sexual predator/freak Alan D. Patton, 59, has admitted to having a fetish for the urine of young boys.

An effin freak whose urine fetish led to the passage of the Alan D. Patton State Law forbidding the collection of bodily fluids has been charged with violating that law.

Freak Alan D. Patton, 59, of Dublin, was arrested yesterday and charged with criminal mischief and unlawful collection of a bodily substance, Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III said.

Patton was being held last night in the Delaware County jail on $5,000 bail. He is expected to enter a plea in Delaware County Municipal Court early next week, Davis said.

If convicted of both misdemeanors, Patton faces up to eight months in prison and $1,500 in fines. (editor's note: WTF ever happened to drawing & quartering?)

The whacko is accused of inserting materials on Oct. 29 into a toilet at a Burger King at 8667 Columbus Pike in Lewis Center in hopes of capturing urine from patrons. Davis said in a statement that they think Patton targeted the restaurant because it has a play area for children.

The sheriff said this case points out the need for parents to accompany children to public restrooms.

An off-duty deputy noticed Patton loitering in the bathroom and then located the materials in the toilet, Davis said. The deputy then followed Patton to the parking lot to obtain his car's license-plate number.

Patton was convicted last year of attempting to collect urine from toilets at SportsOhio in Dublin.

Authorities were frustrated at the time that he could be convicted only of criminal mischief and was sentenced to 60 days in jail. A law passed this year made it a first-degree misdemeanor to collect any bodily substances without consent and for nonmedical purposes.

The law's sponsor, Sen. Jim Hughes, said he's pleased the legislature was able to get the stronger punishments on the books.

"This is unbelievable, really," said Hughes, a Clintonville Republican. "One, this is not acceptable behavior in our society. But second, then they (offenders) start to do more."

As a former assistant prosecutor, he said he saw sexual offenders grow bolder and harm children. If Patton is found guilty of these charges, he noted, a subsequent conviction would carry a year in prison as a felony.

Patton has admitted having a fetish for the urine of young boys. He is a registered sexual predator and spent more than four years in prison for fondling two boys in a restroom while attempting to drink their urine in 1993.

Davis said other charges could still be brought against Patton.

"It's very strange," Davis said, adding he hadn't seen anything like this in his 32years as a law-enforcement officer.

Birds in a cage

FLAG CALL - by M.

I am very proud of my good nephew M. He writes:

To many, the Cold War is ancient history. It is no more relevant, to some, than the Russo Japanese war, or the war of 1812. The fact is, however, that all three shaped our world, and continue to do so in ways that are as yet developing. Having said that, I will resist the urge to take my arguably brief commentary into the genre of a history dissertation, and simply say that the Cold War was my era of service.

Those of you with military experience are familiar with the daily ritual of "flag call". For those unfamiliar with the tradition, flag call comes at the end of the business day on U.S. Military installations the world over. Not surprisingly it coincides with the lowering of the flag, hence the name. Every afternoon the honor guard marches out in preparation of lowering the flag. All across said bases loudspeakers play "Retreat" ... a cannon then fires... and the Loudspeakers play "To The Colors". During the lowering of the colors, all traffic is supposed to stop. Military personnel and civilians alike are expected to exit their vehicles and pay their respects by either saluting, or placing their hand over their heart. This, of course, didn't always happen....

In 1987 I was stationed at Fort Polk, Louisiana. The United States Army in their wisdom, or more likely complete lack of same, had issued me a patrol car, a weapon, and some small amount of authority. Several of my fellow Military Police Officers and I had discussed the fact that many service members and civilian personnel failed to observe flag call. They simply continued to drive on despite the fact that others pulled their vehicles to the side of the road to pay their respects and pedestrians were obviously doing the same. We found this situation to be unacceptable.

We became co-conspiritors.......

Each day we would roll down our windows in anticipation of the tell tale notes from the loudspeakers. Once we heard the music begin (provided we were not responding to an emergency) we would hit our blue lights and pull our vehicles across all lanes of traffic. We would then exit our vehicles, salute at the appropriate time, and wait until the ceremony was complete while pointedly looking at the operators of the nearest vehicles....

We got mixed reactions. Retired military people would usually smile and participate. (They knew what we were up to and appreciated it) Many officers and NCO's did the same. A few, with a lot of brass on their collars, seemed to be seriously put out. I was honestly worried about their concerns.... for about four seconds.

Years later I was working in another capacity for the American People. It was September 11th, 2001. Some planes had hit the towers in New York. I was still wearing a gun, and still had some small amount of authority. We'd heard on a local radio station that the President had ordered flags lowered to half staff. No direction had come from our immediate supervisors who were, understandably, otherwise occupied. I once again found myself a co-conspiritor, and with full knowledge that a butt chewing was coming, we lowered the flag to half staff.

The brass was predictably, again, put out.

We took our butt chewing. The flag stayed where we'd put it. We didn't even care for four seconds......

Be right, M.